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Humour For Kids

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Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school? - - - He was buttering up his teacher.

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? - - - He's all right now.

Have you seen Quasimodo? - - - I have a hunch he's back!

How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball? - - - He turns into a bat every night.

How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? - - - All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

How did the ghost patch his sheet? - - - With a pumpkin patch.

How does a girl vampire flirt? - - - She bats her eyes.

What did the cannibal do when he saw an "All you can eat" restaurant? - - - He had two waiters and a busboy.

What do ghosts and goblins drink on Halloween? - - - Ghoul-aid.

What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae? - - - Whipped scream.

What do ghosts serve for dessert? - - - I Scream.

What do sea monsters eat for lunch? - - - Fish and ships.

What do witches put on their hair? - - - Scare spray.

What do you call a little monster's parents? - - - Mummy and deady.

What do you call a monster with no neck? - - - The Lost Neck Monster.

What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? - - - A sand witch.

What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon. - - - A sour-puss.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? - - - Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? - - - Bamboo.

What do you give a skeleton for Valentine's Day? - - - Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? - - - He is mist.

What happens when a ghost haunts a theater? - - - The actors get stage

What instrument do skeletons play? - - - Trom-BONE.

What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show? - - - A celebrity roast.

What is a vampire's favorite holiday? - - - Fangsgiving.

What is as sharp as a vampires fang? - - - His other fang.

What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now? - - - Decomposing.

What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? - - - Mas-scare-a.

What kind of mistakes do spooks make? - - - Boo boos.

What kind of music do ghosts listen to? - - - Sheet music.

What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? - - - A boo-tie.

What was the witches' favorite subject in school? - - - Spelling.

What's a ghost's favorite desert? - - - Boo-berry pie.

What's a monster's favorite bean? - - - A human bean.

What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? - - - It's a pain in the neck.

Where do baby ghosts go during the day? - - - Dayscare centers.

Where do most werewolves live? - - - In Howllywood, California.

Where does a ghost go on vacation? - - - Mali-boo.

Where does a one-armed man shop? - - - At a second hand store.

Where does Dracula usually eat his lunch? - - - At the casketeria.

Which building does Dracula visit in New York? - - - The Vampire State Building.

Which songs does Dracula hate? - - - "You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on
my Shoulders."

Who did Frankenstein take to the prom? - - - His ghoul friend.

Who was the most famous French skeleton? - - - Napoleon bone-apart.

Who was the most famous ghost detective? - - - Sherlock Moans.

Who was the most famous skeleton detective? - - - Sherlock Bones.

Who was the most famous witch detective? - - - Warlock Holmes.

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep? - - - Because of his coffin.

Why did the cannibal rush over to the cafeteria? - - - He heard children were half price.

Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? - - - He didn't have a haunting license.

Why did the ghost go into the bar? - - - For the boos.

Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test? - - - To see if she was his type.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? - - - He had no guts.

Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party? - - - He had no body to dance with.

Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? - - - Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.

Why do mummies make excellent spies? - - - They're good at keeping things under wraps.

Why doesn't anybody like Dracula? - - - He has a bat temper.

Why don't mummies take vacations? - - - They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? - - - They're afraid of flying off the handle!

Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party? - - - Because everyone was a goblin!

Did you hear about the dizzy boy scout? - - - He spent the day doing good turns.

That boy is so dirty, the only time he washes his ears is when he eats watermelon.

What do you call a top pop group made up of nits? - - - The Lice Girls.

What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date? - - - Any old girl he can dig up.

Did you hear about the boy who got worried when his nose grew to 11 inches? - - - He thought it might turn into a foot.

"What were you before you came to school, girls?" asked the teacher, hoping that someone would say babies. She was disappointed when all the girls cried out, "Happy!"

Did you hear about the little boy was named after his father? - - -They called him dad.

Did you hear about the boy who was known as Fog? - - - He was dense and wet.

Boy Monster: You've got a face like a million dollars.
Girl Monster: Have I really?
Boy Monster: Yes, it's green and wrinkly.

My sister is so dim she thinks a cartoon is a song you sing in a car.

David's teacher regards Him as a wonder child.
He wonders if he will ever learn anything.

Why did your sister shoot the alarm clock?
Because she felt like killing time.

Brother: Did you just take a shower?
Sister: Why, is there one missing?

What did the two acrobats say when they got married?
We're head over heels in love!

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